You Don’t Need The Approval Of Others

Sergejus — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:19:36 +0000

As you grow older, you become increasingly sensitive to the approval or disapproval of others, starting with members of your family, and then your friends and associates. Teenagers especially become extremely sensitive to whether or not they are liked or disliked by their peers. Instead of being fearless and spontaneous,completely open, honest and expressive, they begin to shape their behaviors and conform to whatever they feel their peers will approve of at the moment. The child does not know why the parent is behaving this way. The child simply
concludes that, “Every time I do something that Mommy or Daddy disapproves of,they stop loving me. Therefore, whatever it is, I have to do what makes them happy. I have to do what pleases them. I have to do what they want if I want to be safe.” This feeling generates what is called the “compulsive negative habit pattern,” which is characterized by the words “I have to!” As an adult, the child who was subjected to disapproval and destructive criticism becomes hypersensitive to the attitudes and opinions of others. They are continually saying, “I have to do this” or “I have to do that.” When the fear of rejection becomes extreme, the individual becomes so hypersensitive to the opinions of others that he or she cannot make a decision until he or she is absolutely convinced that everyone in the world around them will approve and support the decision.
The worst situation of all, which is quite common in most people, is the combined feeling of, “I have to” but “I can’t.” The individual feels that he has to do something in order to win the approval of an important person in his life, but simultaneously, he is afraid of trying anything new or different, and becomes extremely sensitive to the reactions and comments of anyone around him. The root cause of negative habit patterns can almost always be traced back to “destructive criticism” in early childhood. Often, destructive criticism is accompanied by physical punishment. In either or both cases, the child very quickly loses his or her natural spontaneity and becomes fearful and hypersensitive to others. All the other fears that hold people back – the fears of loss, of poverty, of embarrassment, of ridicule, of ill health, of the loss of love of someone, of public speaking, of taking a chance, of starting or trying something new or different – are all rooted in the fears of failure and rejection that begin in early childhood. One of the greatest discoveries in the development of the peak performance personality is that your fears and your level of self-esteem have an inverse or opposite relationship. In other words, the more you like yourself, the less you fear failure and rejection. The higher your levels of self-esteem, the lower are the fears and doubts that hold most people back. The more you like and value yourself, the more willing you are to take risks and to endure the inevitable setbacks, obstacles and temporary failures that will occur. The more you like yourself, the less concerned you are with the approval or disapproval of other people. You go your own way. The very fastest way to build your self-esteem and self-confidence, and to neutralize the fears that may be holding you back, is to repeat continually the words “I like myself!” Whenever you feel doubtful or uneasy, begin repeating these words to yourself, “I like myself! I like myself! I like myself!” The most important habit you can develop is the habit of deliberately building your own self-esteem and self-confidence on a daily basis. The more you feed your mind with positive words, pictures, and thoughts, the more positive, confident, optimistic and unafraid you become. The more you like yourself, the better you do at anything you attempt. The more you like yourself, the less you fear failure and rejection. The more you like yourself, the less you worry about short-term setbacks and obstacles. The more you like yourself, the greater courage and resilience you will have to face the inevitable ups and downs of life. And the more you like yourself, the more it is that you will persist until you succeed. Self-esteem is everything. And remember, as I always say “The Best Is Jet To Come!” Have A Great Day.

Self Talk and Positive Thinking.com » elf-confidence

You Don’t Need The Approval Of Others