As you grow older, you become increasingly sensitive to the approval or disapproval of others, starting with members of your family, and then your friends and associates. Teenagers especially become extremely sensitive to whether or not they are liked or disliked by their peers. Instead of being fearless and spontaneous,completely open, honest and expressive, they begin to shape their behaviors and conform to whatever they feel their peers will approve of at the moment. The child does not know why the parent is behaving this way. The child simply
concludes that, “Every time I do something that Mommy or Daddy disapproves of,they stop loving me. Therefore, whatever it is, I have to do what makes them happy. I have to do what pleases them. I have to do what they want if I want to be safe.” This feeling generates what is called the “compulsive negative habit pattern,” which is characterized by the words “I have to!” As an adult, the child who was subjected to disapproval and destructive criticism becomes hypersensitive to the attitudes and opinions of others. They are continually saying, “I have to do this” or “I have to do that.” When the fear of rejection becomes extreme, the individual becomes so hypersensitive to the opinions of others that he or she cannot make a decision until he or she is absolutely convinced that everyone in the world around them will approve and support the decision.
The worst situation of all, which is quite common in most people, is the combined feeling of, “I have to” but “I can’t.” The individual feels that he has to do something in order to win the approval of an important person in his life, but simultaneously, he is afraid of trying anything new or different, and becomes extremely sensitive to the reactions and comments of anyone around him. The root cause of negative habit patterns can almost always be traced back to “destructive criticism” in early childhood. Often, destructive criticism is accompanied by physical punishment. In either or both cases, the child very quickly loses his or her natural spontaneity and becomes fearful and hypersensitive to others. All the other fears that hold people back – the fears of loss, of poverty, of embarrassment, of ridicule, of ill health, of the loss of love of someone, of public speaking, of taking a chance, of starting or trying something new or different – are all rooted in the fears of failure and rejection that begin in early childhood. One of the greatest discoveries in the development of the peak performance personality is that your fears and your level of self-esteem have an inverse or opposite relationship. In other words, the more you like yourself, the less you fear failure and rejection. The higher your levels of self-esteem, the lower are the fears and doubts that hold most people back. The more you like and value yourself, the more willing you are to take risks and to endure the inevitable setbacks, obstacles and temporary failures that will occur. The more you like yourself, the less concerned you are with the approval or disapproval of other people. You go your own way. The very fastest way to build your self-esteem and self-confidence, and to neutralize the fears that may be holding you back, is to repeat continually the words “I like myself!” Whenever you feel doubtful or uneasy, begin repeating these words to yourself, “I like myself! I like myself! I like myself!” The most important habit you can develop is the habit of deliberately building your own self-esteem and self-confidence on a daily basis. The more you feed your mind with positive words, pictures, and thoughts, the more positive, confident, optimistic and unafraid you become. The more you like yourself, the better you do at anything you attempt. The more you like yourself, the less you fear failure and rejection. The more you like yourself, the less you worry about short-term setbacks and obstacles. The more you like yourself, the greater courage and resilience you will have to face the inevitable ups and downs of life. And the more you like yourself, the more it is that you will persist until you succeed. Self-esteem is everything. And remember, as I always say “The Best Is Jet To Come!” Have A Great Day.
Archive for » 2009 «
You Don’t Need The Approval Of Others
How To Become Positive
It is natural for people to develop negative thoughts and feelings. Although it is not easy to get rid of these “negatives,” it’s important that people learn to focus instead on more positive thoughts and ideas. We can practice the skills necessary to replace negative thoughts and feelings and cultivate a more positive attitude. Like everyone else, you have negative thoughts and feelings — fear, insecurity, guilt, and even hatred. But also like everyone else, you have within yourself the ability to replace these “negatives” with a more positive way of thinking. It may not always be easy, but it is possible! One technique often recommended for getting rid of negative thoughts and feelings is to replace them with positive thoughts, mental pictures of peaceful scenes, such as the light of the moon on water, the ocean washing gently on the sand, or the stars twinkling on a clear, quiet night. Think of a peaceful scene you could use to prevent negative thoughts from creeping into your mind. Sometimes, simply thinking of peaceful words and expressions might do the trick. Using today’s newspaper, find and circle at least 10 “peaceful”words and expressions to tuck away when you need a little peace of mind. Are you a user of “little negatives”? Do such phrases as “I don’t think I can do that” or “I’m afraid I’ll be late” clutter up your conversation? You may not even realize it when you use negatives words and phrases. Regardless, if you use them enough, they can condition you to think negatively, too. Before you know it, little negatives will clutter up your mind, as well as your conversation. Often, it’s not the “little negatives” that stand in the way of a positive attitude. It’s the big ones! People who consistently talk negatively not only affect themselves and their attitudes but others who are around them. On the other hand, people who carry on personal and group conversations with upbeat words and expressions give themselves and others plenty to be positive about. When people feel inferior, they are easily discouraged and can even become depressed. Instead of focusing on the things they can do well, they dwell on their weaknesses and failures. The problem with this is that too often people don’t take enough time to rest and relax. Even young people need to take time to give their minds and bodies a break. It can restore your energy, ease the stress and tension in your life, and, yes, help you maintain a positive outlook. And remember whatever you are fighting against,always fight back with opposite,but in oder to fight with opposite you must be well equipped. Never forget,that battle always begins in your mind,and in order to win the battle,you must feed your mind constantly with positive information. If you start from “Anthony Robbins” or ” Bob Proctor” it will be a good start. So,good luck,and don’t forget “The Best Is Jet To Come!”
Unlock Your Two Natural Qualities
When you are born, you come into the world with two natural qualities. First, you are completely unafraid. You are totally fearless. You have no reason to be afraid because you have had no experiences to make you afraid. The second natural quality that you are born with is that you are completely spontaneous. You laugh,cry, pee, poop, sleep and express yourself with no thought or concern about whether anybody approves or disapproves. These are your natural qualities in a state of nature. As an adult, when you feel completely relaxed and safe, surrounded by people whom you like and trust, your natural tendency is to revert to being completely open and unafraid, spontaneous and expressive. This is the ideal condition of the completely happy, fully functioning adult. Starting early in childhood, as the result of the things your parents do and say, you begin to learn the two basic negative habit patterns that then become the most destructive influences in your life as an adult.
The first negative habit pattern that you learn is called the inhibitive negative habit pattern. This is what soon becomes the fear of failure, risk and loss. As a child, your natural urge is to explore your environment. You eagerly reach out to touch,taste, feel and experiment with everything around you. But often your parents react and even over react to this behavior by discouraging you as much as possible. They say, “No! Get away from that! Don’t touch that! Leave that alone!” Many parents reinforce their words and threats with spankings and punishment. Children need love like roses need rain. Love is as important to the developing child as is food. Any interruption of the flow of unconditional love to the child causes the child to feel nervous and frightened. Psychologists say that virtually all adult problems are rooted in the phenomena of “love withheld” in early childhood. When your parents become angry with you as the result of your natural desire and drive to explore your world and your environment, you have no way of understanding that this is because of their fear for your safety. Instead, as a child,you merely react and respond with the idea that, “Every time I try or touch or taste something new or different, my mother or father gets angry at me. It must be because I am incapable and incompetent. It must be because I am no good. It must be because I can’t do it.” Fear of Trying Anything New This feeling of “I can’t” begins the development of the fear of failure. If you are discouraged or punished too often as a child, very early in life you will become fearful of trying new things. This fear will then carry over into later childhood,adolescence and adult life. Thereafter, whenever you think of doing something new or different, something that entails risk or uncertainty, your first reaction will be “I can’t!”
As soon as you say the words “I can’t” to yourself, you will begin immediately to think of all the reasons why such a thing is not possible for you. You will think and talk in terms of failure, rather than success. You will think of the uncertainties and all the possible risks of loss that may occur. Before you even try something new, you will talk yourself out of it. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, once asked an audience, “What is the average number of times that a person tries to achieve a new goal before they give up?” After several guesses from the audience, he gave the answer. “Less than one.”
The point he made was that most people give up before they try the first time. They give up without even trying once. Even though they want to improve their lives,increase their incomes, and accomplish more than they are today, as soon as the new goal pops into their mind, they automatically respond with the words “I can’t!” And begin thinking of all the reasons why it is not possible for them. The most important habit you can develop for great happiness and success is the habit of repeating to yourself and believing, “I can do anything I put my mind to!” The most powerful words that you can repeat, over and over, to neutralize and overcome the fear of failure, are the words, “I can do it! I can do it!”
The kindest words that a parent can tell his or her child, in addition to the words “I love you,” are the words “You can do anything that you set your mind to.” It is amazing how many people’s lives have been dramatically affected by the influence of a single person, a parent, relative or friend, who simply told them, over and over again, “You can do it.” So,why not to give your best shot to whatever idea you’ve got,do something about it while you can,and don’t think that you can’t do it. Good Luck! And remember “The Best Is Jet To come!”
You Are A Living Magnet
This law says that, you are a living magnet; you invariably attract into your life the people, ideas and circumstances that harmonize with your dominant thoughts.” This law of attraction has been written and spoken about for five thousand years. It is one of the most important of all principles in explaining success and failure. The law of attraction says that your thoughts are activated by your emotions, either positive or negative, and that they then create a force field of energy around you that attracts into your life, like iron filings to a magnet, exactly the people and circumstances that are in harmony with those thoughts. Like all mental laws, the law of attraction is neutral. If you think positive thoughts,you attract positive people and circumstances. If you think negative thoughts, you attract negative people and circumstances. Successful, happy people continually think and talk about the things they want to attract into their lives. Unsuccessful,unhappy people are continually talking about the people and situations that cause them to feel angry and frustrated.
One of the most important habits you develop is the habit of keeping your mind full of exciting, positive, emotionalized pictures and images of the exact things you want to see materialize in your life, and in the world around you. This is one of the most difficult of disciplines, but one that pays off in extraordinary ways. This will help you to understand better. Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. It is as though you live in a 360-degree mirror. Everywhere you look, you see yourself reflected back at you. People treat you the way you treat them. The way you think about your physical body will be reflected in your health habits and your
appearance. The way you think about people and your relationships will be reflected back to you in the quality of your friendships and your family life. The way you think about success and prosperity will be reflected in the results that you enjoy in your career and your material life. In every case, your outer world reflects back to you, like a mirror image, exactly what you are thinking in the deepest recesses of your mind. “You become what you think about – most of the time.”
Just think! You become what you think about most of the time. You probably heard this many times,but it’s true. You always move in the direction of your dominant thoughts. Everything in your outer world is controlled and determined by what you are thinking in your inner world. The good news is that there is only thing in the universe over which you have complete control, and that is the content of your conscious mind. So,if you don’t like the content of your mind,change the books you read today, programs you watch,people you associate and so on… Another thing,you and only you can decide what you think about most of the time. And fortunately, this is all the control that you need to shape your own life and determine your own future. By taking complete control of your conscious thoughts, you can control the direction of your life. By taking control, you will feel happy, powerful, confident and free. You will become unstoppable. You can do anything you think you can. This knowledge is literally the gift of the Creator, for through it you can solve every human problem. It should make of you an incurable optimist. It is the open door to unlimited possibilities. And remember “The Best Is Jet To Come “
The Power of Expectation
This law says that,whatever you expect, with confidence, becomes your own self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, you do not necessarily get what you want, but rather what you expect. If you confidently expect something to happen, this expectation has a powerful effect on your attitude and your personality. The more confident your expectations,the more likely it is that you will do and say the things that are consistent with what you expect to happen. As a result, you will dramatically increase the probabilities that you will achieve exactly what you are hoping for. One of the wonderful things about expectations is that you can create your
own. You can get up each morning and say; “I believe something wonderful is going to happen to me today.” As you go through the day, you create a force field
of expectations that surrounds you and effects the people with whom you come in contact. And in some remarkable way, a series of wonderful things, both large and
small, will happen to you throughout the day. Successful people expect to be successful, in advance. Happy people expect to be happy. Popular people expect to be liked by others. They develop the habit of expecting that something good will happen in every situation. They expect to benefit from every occurrence, even temporary setbacks and failures. They expect the best of other people, and always assume the best of intentions. And they are seldom disappointed. The flipside of positive expectations are the negative expectations that many people have. Unhappy people expect to fail more often than they succeed. They expect that other people will hurt or disappoint them. They expect their ventures to do poorly. Instead of expecting the best, they expect the worst, and because the law is neutral, they are seldom disappointed. One of the most important things you can do to assure a happy, healthy, prosperous life, is to expect the very best from every person or situation, no matter how it may look at the moment. Develop the habit of positive expectations. You will be amazed at the effect this has on yourself and on the people around you.
The Law of Belief
The Law of Belief. This is the basic principle that underlies most religion, psychology, philosophy and metaphysics. The Law of Belief says that, “Whatever you believe, with conviction, becomes your reality.” In the New Testament it says, “According to your faith, it is done unto you.” In the Old Testament, it says, “As a man thinketh, in his heart (his beliefs), so is he.” William James of Harvard wrote, “Belief creates the actual fact.” The fact is that, “You do not believe what you see, but rather, you see what you already believe.” Your deeply held beliefs form a screen of prejudices that distort your external reality and cause you to see things not the way they are, but the way you are.
The worst of all beliefs are self-limiting beliefs. These are beliefs that you have developed through life, usually false, that cause you to believe that you are limited in some way. Your negative beliefs soon become habitual ways of thinking. You may believe that you lack intelligence, creativity, personality, the ability to speak publicly, the ability to earn a high income, the ability to lose weight, or the ability to achieve your goals. As a result of your self-limiting beliefs, you continually “sell yourself short,” give up easily in the pursuit of a goal, and even worse, tell other people around you that you lack certain qualities or abilities. Your beliefs then become your realities. “You are not what you think you are, but what you think,you are.”
In developing your habits, one of the most important steps you take is to challenge your self-limiting beliefs. You begin this process by imagining that you have no limitations at all. When you develop your mind to the point where you absolutely believe that you can do anything you put your mind to, you will find a way to make that belief a reality. As a result, your whole life will change. Beliefs are the hardest things of all to change. But there is good news. It is that all beliefs are learned. And anything that has been learned can be unlearned. You can develop the beliefs of courage, confidence and unstoppable persistence that you need for great success by reprogramming your subconscious mind in a specific way.
10 Powerful Steps To Make Your Relationship More Romantic (2/2)
Take your relationship to another level,and may your love grow for each other stronger and stronger.
1. If your partner has to work late, take a lunch box and fill it with some of her favorite things such as chocolates, herbal tea, cookies, a small teddy bear. Next, get a piece of paper and write :”Michelle’s Late Night Survival Pack”.
Draw a big red cross below this and stick the paper to the top of the box. Tell your partner to open the box when things get really tough.
2. Leave a long stem rose where your partner will find it with a note on it saying: “Thank you for coming into my life.”
3. When your spouse has had a really long hard day, run a hot bath for her. Pour some fragrant bath oil into the tub and gently bathe her from head to toe. Carry her into the bedroom. Gently towel her dry and tuck her into a freshly made bed with a kiss on the forehead.
4. For this idea you will need a portable CD player. If you and your partner have a favorite song, get a copy of it on CD and take it with you when you go away for a romantic weekend.
When you are in a romantic spot, ask your partner if she would like to dance. Place one earpiece in her ear and one in your own and enjoy your private dance floor.
This technique is particularly effective if the romantic spot you have chosen is somewhere where people would not normally dance, for example, the top of the Empire State building at sunset or on top of a mountain during a camping trip.
5. Invite your partner to go for a walk. Get a back pack and pack the following items: A picnic blanket, a selection of fruit in small containers eg. strawberries, grapes, watermelon and kiwi fruit. Some cheese and crackers. Some sandwiches. A small tin of caviar. A half bottle of champagne and two plastic champagne glasses. If your partner asks what’s in the backpack, just say a jacket and some lunch.
When you find a romantic spot, ask if she would like to stop for a bite to eat. Open your pack and remove the items one by one to set up your picnic. The last item you remove should be the glasses and champagne.
6. On a special occasion like your partner’s birthday, plan a treasure hunt for her. The fun begins when you suggest going for a walk on the beach.
When you get to the beach, carry a small bag with you. The bag contains a bottle that you prepared earlier. Inside the bottle is a treasure map. To make the treasure map look authentic, burn the edges with a match.
As you are walking, slip the bottle out of your bag and let it drop to the sand near the water’s edge. You may have to pause and kiss your partner to do this unnoticed. Walk a little further up the beach then turn around and retrace your steps to ‘discover’ the bottle.
On the map have a dotted line leading from the beach to a nearby cafe. At the cafe, your partner won’t know what to look for so suggest that you just sit down and have a cup of coffee.
When the waitress delivers the coffee, she suggests to your partner that she might find what she is looking for under the coaster. When your partner turns over the coaster she finds a key taped to the bottom. Obviously you will have to set this up before hand with the waitress. Most waitresses will be happy to help a romantic guy out with this type of thing.
At the next stop on the map, your partner finds or is given a spade. Then at the last stop on the map your partner finds a large ‘X’ made up of two crossed sticks. She digs and discovers a locked box. The key unlocks the box to reveal her present.
7. If your partner has voice mail at work or on her mobile, leave a message saying: “Just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you.” She will appreciate this anytime but especially when she is going through a rough period.
8. Buy some rose petals and place them behind the sun visor on the passenger side of your car. Take a post it note and write, “I Love You” on it and stick it to the back of the sun visor. As you are driving to a romantic destination, look at your partner and tell her she has a mark on her cheek. She will pull down the sun visor to use the mirror and be showered in rose petals and see your note.
9. Next time it is raining really heavily, go for a walk with your partner. Forget the umbrellas and the raincoats. Run through the streets together, jump in puddles and get totally saturated.
Pick her up, twirl her around and kiss her while the rain falls. Taste the water off her face and hold her close. When you get back home have a hot shower and then share a warm drink preferably in front of an open fire.
10. When your partner is sitting at a table or desk, come up behind him or her and give her a back, shoulder and head massage. Finish with a gentle kiss on the cheek.
Never get tired to take care of your partner.
